I just go normal from time to time. How often do you see a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field? Remember the less you have, the more there is to get. How to play: touch the screen to shoot the flying bird. Ellen DeGeneres It is failure that gives you the proper perspective on success. Groucho Marx I find television very educating.
Groucho Marx From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. » I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Doctors think she may be faking. They are the greatest joy in the world. Please, tell me honestly, I will forgive you, but I wanna know — maybe you have cheated on me? I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. Zach Galifianakis I like to read the Bible in public places so people are watching me read it.
Stephen Colbert Happiness can be really facile — To be with my wife and children, would be the deepest joy. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Bill Murray A moat can be a pretty good thing. Asks the second: -How many times you were unfaithful? No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl.
Wendy Mass A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. While the rejected adolescent boy imagines that he can no longer receive his mother's love because he is not worthy, as a grown man he may act out in ways that are unworthy and yet demand of the woman in his life that she offer him unconditional love. We are not good together, but together we are bad for each other. Stephen Colbert The summer movies are coming out! Now keep calm and grab a cold beverage. O'Rourke There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Ricky Gervais Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. Here are some rib-tickling about men from the inimitable Mae West and Oscar Wilde and a few others.
. ~ Woodrow Wyatt A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. ~ Anonymous Men are like fine wine. One is loss, the other is insecurity. Mitch Hedberg I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. Why subject women to purely masculine criteria? There should be some point of time in life when you really feel like having fun, or want to be funny or spread the feel of fun around. Isaac Asimov Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
Funny Quotes About Work And Coworkers My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5. This app is a collection of spoken quotes sound samples that will make you laugh. Money just seems to disappear into thin air. ~ Kathy Lette When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. Elbert Hubbard All generalizations are false, including this one. Rodney Dangerfield What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Below we have the top quotes as they were voted on by the visitors of witty-quotes.
George Carlin Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. One thinks cannibalism to be inhuman--to eat another human. Steven Wright I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Lane Olinghouse Everyone should have kids. Men are like portable heaters that snore. I need all the publicity I can get. Kennedy Instead of noblemen, let us have noble villages of men.
Jerry Seinfeld Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of. Women can and ought to be judged by the criteria of femininity, for it is in their femininity that they participate in the human race. Why do men like intelligent women? Groucho Marx The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. Do you have your own dirty quotes? I love that massacre scene, he says, like an excited little boy, where they're walking down that path in the middle of nowhere and they're surrounded by the woods and you know the Indians are going to attack and it's so tense. Peter says: -From now on all men will travel to paradise, and let them in. In this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city. Ellen DeGeneres Follow your passion.
Its the brand for active, successful, professional men who want greater control over their physical, mental, and emotional lives. Are you looking for ways to describe sad love feelings, to express them or just to feel understood? Funny jokes about husband - First or second Two man talking: - Have you heard, John has married a widow? Peter: - I'm sorry, I could't any more. During the good times, he looks for the second one. Well, at least, that is what some people might think, but we can assure you, it is great fun to hear what Mrs Right has to say. Throttle it, denaturalize it, take it away, and human existence would be reduced to the prosaic, laborious, boresome, imbecile level of life in an anthill. May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.